Sunday, March 4, 2012

Setting Expectations

Bill and I talked about the way things have been going, where we have fallen behind, and what we want and expect from eachother. We have both been under a lot of financial stress, so his job will help with much of that and allow us to get back into a normal routine.

I was also expecting too much of myself in certain areas, and focusing on some things to the point that I was neglecting other areas that were more important to Bill. He agreed that I was trying to commit to a chore and household schedule beyond what would work with a toddler at home, so he helped me set a few basic goals and tasks to do first each day. After those are done, I can do the rest if I have time and feel like it is needed, but he is only going to hold me accountable for the things he really cares about.

The first is something I still struggle with - getting up on time and showered and dressed, instead of just lounging around. He also mentioned that he would prefer for me to change into an attractive dress or skirt outfit before he gets home, put on a little makeup, and to wear heels rather than tennis shoes in the evening. I have been in the habit of having my hair up in a ponytail or bun and have been wearing old pants and t-shirts or frumpy dresses far too much, He says those are fine for house and yard work and hanging out but he'd like for me to try to be more attractive for him when he gets home. I used to do this and I'll admit I felt better about myself when I did, but it's just fallen to the wayside.

For the housework, the main tasks left are to vacuum on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, sweep the kitchen floor daily, dust at least weekly, and have laundry and dishes washed and put away each day. He also wants the bed to be made, which is a big deal to him but something I often forget, and for me to spend at least 15-20 minutes a day on decluttering until the house is neater and  more organized. He is also holding be accountable for my personal earnings goals on my work-from-home job and on sticking to my workout routine because those are things I really need but tend to procrastinate on.

For his part, he is realizing how insecure I felt with our finances all out of order and how stressed I was getting trying to balance everything else and put extra work in to get money to pay for some of the things I wanted. We are in the process of working out a family budget to make sure things are taken care of and I have a better idea of how much is left to spend on groceries and other items each month. Things are still tight at the moment but he said if he gets a raise he'll consider giving me an additional $20-50 per week as sort of a personal allowance to save or use for shopping, eating out, and other odds and ends that come up.

He is also going to till the garden spot up for me and help me transplant some of the seeds once they have sprouted, but the trade off there is that I will be responsible for most of the watering, weeding, and care of it and I will be in trouble if it gets out of control or food starts spoiling on the vine. Still, it should be useful because I love having fresh produce and lettuce and tomatoes for salad and I will have fresh herbs for cooking. It will also help us save on groceries so I might be able to splurge on a few treats at the store more often.

He also said that we will be going to bed earlier most nights, to give us time to review the day and have some alone time before it's time to go to sleep. This will give him time to administer or assign any punishments for breaking the rules and will also give us time to talk and cuddle and all without feeling rushed. I like to talk and hold each other and decompress at the end of the day and we were getting to bed so late it was keeping him up and annoying him because he was not getting enough sleep. I guess we'll be starting that tomorrow, because Little Man was up until almost midnight tonight and I'm up late after getting him settled down and asleep.

Thursday, March 1, 2012


I wanted to check in and let y'all know that I will hopefully be posting again soon.
We were without internet access for a few months but just got it back.

I will say that life has been different the past few months and Mr. B and I fell into a sort of complacency. He went through a layoff at work and was at home while searching for a new job. The extra time to spend together was wonderful, but we let a lot of routines slip, both in housework and in discipline and protocol. Now that he is back to work at another company, we are getting back to our normal routines.

Since it's a new month, I'm going to really try to focus on meeting his needs and getting things back in order. He also mentioned going back over our rules and discipline protocol and tweaking it to fit our current situation. He has been letting a lot slide due to the change in circumstances, and because Little Man's age means both that it is harder to keep up with my household duties as is and that we have less private time for discipline and couple time.

I am so glad to see him happy again, because he loves this new job and was under so much stress at the old one when they announced a merger and then a layoff when the merger failed. Still, he is working longer hours and driving much further to work each day and I can tell he is tired when he gets home. I want to make sure that I am keeping him as happy as possible and let him know how much I appreciate everything he does for Little Man and I.