Sunday, March 4, 2012

Setting Expectations

Bill and I talked about the way things have been going, where we have fallen behind, and what we want and expect from eachother. We have both been under a lot of financial stress, so his job will help with much of that and allow us to get back into a normal routine.

I was also expecting too much of myself in certain areas, and focusing on some things to the point that I was neglecting other areas that were more important to Bill. He agreed that I was trying to commit to a chore and household schedule beyond what would work with a toddler at home, so he helped me set a few basic goals and tasks to do first each day. After those are done, I can do the rest if I have time and feel like it is needed, but he is only going to hold me accountable for the things he really cares about.

The first is something I still struggle with - getting up on time and showered and dressed, instead of just lounging around. He also mentioned that he would prefer for me to change into an attractive dress or skirt outfit before he gets home, put on a little makeup, and to wear heels rather than tennis shoes in the evening. I have been in the habit of having my hair up in a ponytail or bun and have been wearing old pants and t-shirts or frumpy dresses far too much, He says those are fine for house and yard work and hanging out but he'd like for me to try to be more attractive for him when he gets home. I used to do this and I'll admit I felt better about myself when I did, but it's just fallen to the wayside.

For the housework, the main tasks left are to vacuum on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, sweep the kitchen floor daily, dust at least weekly, and have laundry and dishes washed and put away each day. He also wants the bed to be made, which is a big deal to him but something I often forget, and for me to spend at least 15-20 minutes a day on decluttering until the house is neater and  more organized. He is also holding be accountable for my personal earnings goals on my work-from-home job and on sticking to my workout routine because those are things I really need but tend to procrastinate on.

For his part, he is realizing how insecure I felt with our finances all out of order and how stressed I was getting trying to balance everything else and put extra work in to get money to pay for some of the things I wanted. We are in the process of working out a family budget to make sure things are taken care of and I have a better idea of how much is left to spend on groceries and other items each month. Things are still tight at the moment but he said if he gets a raise he'll consider giving me an additional $20-50 per week as sort of a personal allowance to save or use for shopping, eating out, and other odds and ends that come up.

He is also going to till the garden spot up for me and help me transplant some of the seeds once they have sprouted, but the trade off there is that I will be responsible for most of the watering, weeding, and care of it and I will be in trouble if it gets out of control or food starts spoiling on the vine. Still, it should be useful because I love having fresh produce and lettuce and tomatoes for salad and I will have fresh herbs for cooking. It will also help us save on groceries so I might be able to splurge on a few treats at the store more often.

He also said that we will be going to bed earlier most nights, to give us time to review the day and have some alone time before it's time to go to sleep. This will give him time to administer or assign any punishments for breaking the rules and will also give us time to talk and cuddle and all without feeling rushed. I like to talk and hold each other and decompress at the end of the day and we were getting to bed so late it was keeping him up and annoying him because he was not getting enough sleep. I guess we'll be starting that tomorrow, because Little Man was up until almost midnight tonight and I'm up late after getting him settled down and asleep.


  1. Having a man tell you what he would like you to wear is just plain means he takes delight in your appearance and that he notices details. So nice of him to help you too and to not be too demanding. Good communicating.

  2. It sounds like you have both done a lot of great communicating! Good for you.

    My hubby likes me to dress up a bit for him too.

  3. Clear expectations are great, but it can be a challenge when things aren't stable. It also takes quite a lot of self-discipline on the part of the man. Also, when things are busy, it's easy to overlook stuff. Sometimes it can help a man to have his wife work with him to find areas in which she could be more submitted to him. If a wife feels she needs more structure in a certain area or sees a good opportunity for him to exercise authority over her, she should definitely point it out to him.

  4. just stumbled upon your blog and I have found it so inspiring. PLEASE keep it up!!!1

  5. I have been trying to get a bit more presentable for my husband in the evening as well, but sometimes at the end of a long day home with the kids, that can be so hard....

  6. It is important to do the things wives are expected to do and be so tolerant and loving. Men have such a hard life us women tend to think we have it so hard. My Husband expects me to be ready for Him when he gets home which I do religiously. Our "honeymoon" hasn't ended yet and it's been three years since we married. I am such a good girl and appreciated very much by my Master.