Saturday, October 15, 2011

My First Spankings

The last few days have been pretty interesting. Bill and I had discussed what I need to get done each day and what the punishments for each thing left undone would be, so I knew what to expect. I did try my best to get everything accomplished, but we set the rules and expectations a little high for a reason, because they are a goal to work toward and are based on what I should be getting done but have been letting slide pretty regularly.

I did good on Wednesday and got everything done except for being up on time. I have a bad problem with sleeping in or lounging around in my nightgown, so the first to rules are that I have to be up by 8 and showered/dressed by 9, with an additional swat for each 10 minutes late on either. He did spank me on Thursday night, more as a learning experience than anything else. I got 16 swats with various implements - a hairbrush, wooden spoon, belt, wooden spatula/turner, and his hand. I was nervous and had a lot of anticipation leading up to it. When it was time for the actual spanking, I was wondering why on earth I brought it up again and agreed to it this time around. For the most part, it wasn't that bad, although a few hurt pretty badly, and the spoon seriously hurt. He asked later on how it felt and all and I made the mistake of telling him that it wasn't all that bad and not that hard, but the spoon really hurt. He told me he was trying to be gentle, and I told him that he didn't need to because I really needed the ones for punishment to be hurty enough to make me not want a repeat (yeah, me and my big mouth).

Friday, I was just dragging. I had a bunch of other stuff to do and wasted too much time online, so I didn't get a lot of the housework done. Anyway, it ended up adding up to 34 swats. Not too bad, except that I had told him the night before that punishment needed to feel like it, and he reminded me of that beforehand. That made me a little worried but, hey, we agreed. He used the wooden spoon, which was already the stingiest, and by about number 4 I was really wondering what had gotten into my head to make me consent to this. It was all I could do to hold still and be quiet so I didn't wake our son up or get the dogs to barking. By the end, I was definitely more contrite.

The one thing I've noticed, especially Friday night, as how much closer I feel to Bill. It's like this has changed the dynamic of our relationship even more and made me more submissive. I have been working on obeying and submitting to him for a while now, because of the biblical teaching on marriage and the importance of wifely submission and the husband as head of the household, but this just touches me somewhere inside and has given me a greater desire to please and honor and obey him. It is also teaching me to trust him more, because I have to give up more control in our relationship and fully trust that he will be fair and not harm me, and that is something that just feels good to be able to do, but which I tend to fight in our day-to-day life.

I have also noticed he seems to be more tender to me and attentive to my needs in our daily life, maybe because he does feel more free to tell me what he wants and needs me to do and knows I will listen to him instead of ignoring it like before. I had a 5k race this morning, so he told me to focus on that today and not worry about the chores, just to rest and recover. We spent most of the day snuggled up on the couch together watching movies, which we hadn't done in a long time, and he kept hugging me, rubbing my shoulders, and telling me how much he loves and appreciates me.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Starting Out

I guess you could say this a new beginning. Bill & I had experimented will all sorts of things and ideals in our relationship before, but we had put the cart before the horse. Early on, we had tried some BDSM type things and even a more full-time D/s lifestyle, but there was too much trying to live up to what we were reading about online. We also didn't really have enough stability and maturity in our relationship then for the type of dynamic we were trying to create and of course we were both still fighting for control and I wanted even submission to be my way and on my terms.

This is different though. I don't really have the words to explain or describe it but, just like biblical submission and traditional marriage as a lifestyle is different from a fetish type of dominance and submission, I feel like this sort of domestic discipline is different at least in some ways from a fetish "scene" type spanking. Of course, it is erotic, and there are similarities, but it seems like a different dynamic. Before there was always the idea that even in submission, I was in control. Now, he is, and I am not. Where the spanking before were more for arousal, these will be for punishment, which means I don't get to pick what it will be, how hard, etc and so on.

It scares me a little, because I still have problems with the idea of giving up control and part of me wonders what I am getting myself into. I've asked him to discipline me and hold me accountable, but also to not let me back out when I decide it's too much trouble and get all "owww, I hurts, I don't wanna".

That's sort of how it went when we first started talking about this a couple months ago. We agreed to it, then there were nights he was tired from work, I still was slacking on chores, the baby was late to bed, or I just didn't feel like doing anything or being spanked - I didn't bring it up, neither did he, then the prospect of all the delayed swats added up seemed like to much when he finally mentioned it.

After that, we took a break and he told me to work on some daily/weekly routines to see what was realistic for me to do each day. I did that and just waited. Yesterday, I mentioned it to him, and he asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with it this time. I told him that I was and he looked over the list with me and told me which things were most important to him and assigned a certain number of swats for each thing left undone. I'm expected to start checking things off and keeping track of what's left undone and what any punishment will be starting tonight. For the rest of the month, we will just be tracking household tasks and chores then, next month, we will add accountability for the freelance work I do as well.

I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I have gotten more done just this morning than I usually do all day, so I'm sure he'll be pleased with that. I also just want to please him more now that I know what the expectations are that I'm trying to meet. It just feels better knowing that he will be taking control and guiding me.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Help Meet Cheat Sheet

Note: This list is written from a Christian point of view, but provides good advice for all wives. The more non-religious suggestions start at #12, if you just want ways to submit & help your husband.

This is not a checklist, or list of standards; it is just a cheat sheet of ideas.

1.    Refuse to miss a day of Bible Reading
  • Do not read in front of your husband – keep it private to avoid conflicts that some marriage have about “trying to be more spiritual”
2.    Pray before reading your Bible, “Open my eyes, Lord.”
3.    Teach the Word to your children through the course of regular interactions
4.    Make a commitment to prayer.
5.    Make a habit of prayer.
6.    Acknowledge any sin God reveals to you and confess it to the Lord.
7.    Pray for your husband.
  • Pray for God to bless him as the leader of your family.
  • Pray for God to bless him as a man of God.
  • Pray for God to grow him spiritually.
8.    Pray for your children.
  • Pray for them to grow strong in the Lord.
  • Pray for them to be trained up in the way they should go.
  • Pray that you would be able to train them the way God wants you to.
  • Pray for God to bless them.
9.    Seek to know your God-given role as a wife and mother.
  • Find books, sermons on CD or DVD, articles, and blogs while you study and meditate on God’s Word and the teachings that apply to the most important things in your life:  being a wife and mother!
10.    Keep a song of praise in your heart at all times.
11.    Keep a prayer in your mind at all times.
  • “Lord, be with me at work at this moment and let me be a testimony.”
  • “Lord, give me the energy to joyfully do my job for just five more minutes.”
  • “Lord, thank you for the home you have provided me.”
  • “Lord, thank you for this hot running water.”
  • “Lord, thank you for a husband and children. Help me to be the wife and mother You want me to be.”
  • “Lord, bless my child and help her to grow to be a strong Christian.”
  • “Lord, bless my husband wherever he is at this moment.”
  • “Lord, I am so angry right now, I’m just going to tell you about it.”
  • “Lord, I am so hurt right now, I’m just going to tell you about it.”
12.    Study and know your husband.
13.    Be a servant to your husband.
  • Let me get that! (water, keys, coat, shoes, seconds at dinner, ketchup, dessert, the remote, a snack, a tool, etc.)
  • Keep his clothes clean and put away so that they are easy to find.
  • Keep his “area” neat (favorite chair, desk, his side of the bed, his toiletries)
14.    Follow his leadership at the slightest opportunity (where to eat out, how to handle a home situation, whether or not to go somewhere, whether or not to buy something, what to watch on TV, how to fix something, etc.)
15.    Readily accept his advice for any situation and acknowledge that it is good advice, and thank him for it.
16.    Don’t be contentious or resistant to him in your spirit.
17.    Don’t embarrass your husband (your speech, appearance, behavior, neglect of your family or home)
18.    Prepare for his arrival each day (make sure his first perception of the house is that it is clean—even if it’s only the entry way and the area where he sits to relax, have a smile on your face, freshen your hair, clothes, or make-up, have the children clean and occupied, and have a smile on your face.)
19.     Never belittle him or make cutting remarks of any kind, even in jest.
20.    Speak a sincere word of praise or appreciation whenever possible:
  • “I don’t understand how you can fix that. I’m completely clueless.”
  • “Thank you for fixing that. I’m so fortunate to have a husband who can do that.”
  • “Absolutely you made the right decision.”
  • “You are absolutely right.”
  • “You couldn’t have handled that (work situation, etc.) better.
  • “That was very smart.”
  • “That was totally the right thing to do.”
21.    Meet his gaze showing your love and acceptance of him—do not avert your eyes to show your hurt or disapproval and to punish him.
22.    Respond readily to his physical affection.
  • Do not be stiff when receiving a hug or a kiss.
  • Do not resist physical advances:  Pray instead. God will provide the grace.
23.    Offer a warm hug, a warm smile, and an unexpected kiss of approval and appreciation.
24.    Do not be financially independent. Let him control the finances.
  • Even if you have always controlled and balanced the checkbook, start checking with him on budget amounts and spending decisions.  Immediately concede to his input of any kind.
  • Look for every opportunity to praise his wise financial decisions.
  • Do not spend money foolishly—make sure he never has to worry about how his wife will spend money.
  • Check with him on any purchase that is not a necessity.
  • Do not argue or resist his financial decisions, even if you know they are bad ones.  Pray instead.  (Your silence and support is actually more powerful of an influence—try it and you will see!)
  • Remember that whatever decision your husband makes, it is God’s will for you.  Your resistance and interference will actually cause more problems.
25.    Do not take matters into your own hands. Defer to your husband’s decisions whenever possible.
26.    Do not be your husband’s conscience.
27.    Do not nag. Ever. It is never a life or death matter.
28.    Show loyalty to him at all times.
  • Never seek counsel outside of him without his approval.
29.    Encourage and wholeheartedly support any idea or goal he shares with you.
30.    Listen with your eyes, your ears, and be aware of your body language.  It doesn’t matter how busy you are. Stop and listen and show him he is important to you and that you support him.
31.    Share his excitement over anything.
32.    Laugh at his jokes
33.    Look at him with admiration when he is around his peers to inspire their respect. (It is your job from the Lord to reverence him and to make him look good at all times.)
34.    Always  seek to make him look successful.
35.    Spend the time and effort needed on your appearance because it shows you reverence your husband.
36.    Dress to please your husband.
37.    Dress modestly so he does not worry that you may be trying to attract other men.
38.    Remember what your husband likes:
  • Cook his favorite meals.
  • Keep his favorite snacks handy.
  • Keep his favorite beverages handy.
  • Wear clothing you know he likes on you.
  • Wear your hair the way you know he likes.
  • Wear a perfume you know he likes.
  • Keep the children quiet, entertained, happy, engaged–whatever he likes!
39.    Care for your clothes and his clothes.  Eliminate unused clothes.
40.    Create order in his environment (one step at a time is fine)
  • Organize the bathroom cabinets
  • Organize his socks and underwear and keep it that way.
  • Make a permanent and tidy place for his pocket stuff (wallet, keys, change, receipts, screws, batteries, business cards).
  • Keep track of his “stuff” however you can
41.    Keep the home free of clutter
42.    Train your children to be neat, clean and organized
43.    Keep a meek and quiet spirit
44.    Do not speak in anger
45.    Stop a backbiting tongue by silence (Proverbs 26:20)
46.    Ask your husband your spiritual questions.
47.    Expect nothing from him (put all your expectation for fulfillment on the Lord, especially in moments where you feel empty or alone)
48.    Do not have the “marriage is teamwork and you’re not pulling your share” attitude. YOU commit 100% to your husband, regardless of how you think he is performing (you will only answer to God in the end for the kind of wife you were to your husband).
49.    Learn to prioritize (quick prayers often clear up moments or days of confusion).
50.    Organize one drawer, shelf, or area a day until your home has a place for everything and everything in its place—then keep it there.
51.    Train the children so that they make him proud.
52.    Train the children to love him and respect him.
53.    Never say a bad word about your husband to your children.  Don’t even suggest in any way to them that he is not the “dad” he should be.
54.    Do not try to solve any of his problems without his consent.
55.    Overlook his faults.
56.    Overlook his little mistakes.
57.    Overlook his big mistakes.
58.    Forgive any offense that hurts you as quickly as you can (urgent prayer will take care of this—pray until you feel your anger subside and your pleasure in your husband return.  At first this may take a few days.  After a while, you will cut it to a few hours.  With continued practice, you will be able to forgive, with prayer and God’s help, within a few minutes to a few seconds)
59.    Remember DAILY back to the beginning of your relationship and all the things that attracted you to him.  Recall the smiles you had for him them and smile them all again.
60.    Stop for one minute and thank the Lord for your husband.
61.    Pray for God to bless your husband as the leader of your home and as the provider for your family.
62.    Smile.
63.    Laugh.
64.    Have joy.
65.    Be lighthearted and create a lighthearted mood in your home.
66.    Make him proud of his home, his wife, and his children.
67.    Make sure that he would be proud to invite his boss to dinner.
68.    Ask him for advice whenever you can, and always take it seriously—and tell him what good advice it is.
69.    When he tells you about his work, tell him how good he is at his job, in his position, and praise his strengths at work (his leadership, his diligence, his honesty, his integrity).
70.    Try to make all your words positive.
71.    Never talk bad about his friends or coworkers.  Do not affirm when he talks bad about someone. You can nod sympathetically, but do not  verbally agree.
72.    Do not be negative.
73.    Keep your speech clean and pretty—becoming to a lovely wife with a sweet spirit.
74.    Do not correct him.  Especially in front of others. Let it go unless your life is on the line (it really doesn’t happen often!)
75.    Do not criticize him about anything.  Not even about a shirt, how his hair looks, how he spends his time, what he spent his money on, or…anything.
76.    Pray for God’s strength and grace whenever—WHENEVER—you feel tired, angry, or that you just can’t do it.  Even if it means praying 2,000 times a day.  All you have to say is one word, “HELP!”  He will.
77.    Pray for God to reveal to you the opportunity to do something on this list whenever possible.

Monday, October 3, 2011

(Lady Barton's) Rules for my Guidance as a Wife

Rules for my Guidance as a Wife
taken from The Romance of Isabel, Lady Burton , by Isabel Lady Burton (1831-1896)

Lady Burton at marriage
1. Let your husband find in you a companion, friend, and adviser, and confidante, that he may miss nothing at home; and let him find in the wife what he and many other men fancy is only to be found in a mistress, that he may seek nothing out of his home.
2. Be a careful nurse when he is ailing, that he may never be in low spirits about his health without a serious cause.
3. Make his home snug. If it be ever so small and poor, there can always be a certain chic about it. Men are always ashamed of a poverty-stricken home, and therefore prefer the club. Attend much to his creature comforts; allow smoking or anything else ; for if you do not, somebody else will. Make it yourself cheerful and attractive, and draw relations and intimates about him, and the style of society (literati) that suits him, marking who are real friends to him and who are not.
4. Improve and educate yourself in every way, that you may enter into his pursuits and keep pace with the times, that he may not weary of you.
5. Be prepared at any moment to follow him at an hour's notice and rough it like a man.
6. Do not try to hide your affection for him, but let him see and feel it in every action. Never refuse him anything he asks. Observe a certain amount of reserve and delicacy before him. Keep up the honeymoon romance, whether at home or in the desert. At the same time do not make prudish bothers, which only disgust, and are not true modesty. Do not make the mistake of neglecting your personal appearance, but try to look well and dress well to please his eye.
7. Perpetually work up his interests with the world, whether for publishing or for appointments. Let him feel, when he has to go away, that he leaves a second self in charge of his affairs at home ; so that if sometimes he is obliged to leave you behind, he may have nothing of anxiety on his mind. Take an interest in everything that interests him. To be companionable, a woman must learn what interests her husband ; and if it is only planting turnips, she must try to understand turnips.
8. Never confide your domestic affairs to your female friends.
9. Hide his faults from every one and back him up through every difficulty and trouble; but with his peculiar temperament advocate peace whenever it is consistent with his honour before the world.
10. Never permit any one to speak disrespectfully of him before you; and if any one does, no matter how difficult, leave the room. Never permit any one to tell you anything about him, especially of his conduct with regard to other women. Never hurt his feelings by a rude remark or jest. Never answer when he finds fault ; and never reproach him when he is in the wrong, especially when he tells you of it, nor take advantage of it when you are angry ; and always keep his heart up when he has made a failure.
11. Keep all disagreements for your own room, and never let others find them out.
12. Never ask him not to do anything — for instance, with regard to visiting other women, or any one you particularly dislike; trust him, and tell him everything, except another person's secret.
13. Do not bother him with religious talk, be religious yourself and give good example, take life seriously and earnestly, pray for and procure prayers for him, and do all you can for him without his knowing it, and let all your life be something that will win mercy from God for him. You might try to say a little prayer with him every night before laying down to sleep, and gently draw him to be good to the poor and more gentle and forbearing to others.
14. Cultivate your own good health, spirits, and nerves, to counteract his naturally melancholy turn, and to enable you to carry out your mission.
15. Never open his letters, nor appear inquisitive about anything he does not volunteer to tell you.
16. Never interfere between him and his family; encourage their being with him, and forward everything he wishes to do for them, and treat them in every respect (as far as they will let you) as if they were your own.
17. Keep everything going, and let nothing ever be at a standstill : nothing would weary him like stagnation.