Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Help Meet Cheat Sheet

Note: This list is written from a Christian point of view, but provides good advice for all wives. The more non-religious suggestions start at #12, if you just want ways to submit & help your husband.

This is not a checklist, or list of standards; it is just a cheat sheet of ideas.

1.    Refuse to miss a day of Bible Reading
  • Do not read in front of your husband – keep it private to avoid conflicts that some marriage have about “trying to be more spiritual”
2.    Pray before reading your Bible, “Open my eyes, Lord.”
3.    Teach the Word to your children through the course of regular interactions
4.    Make a commitment to prayer.
5.    Make a habit of prayer.
6.    Acknowledge any sin God reveals to you and confess it to the Lord.
7.    Pray for your husband.
  • Pray for God to bless him as the leader of your family.
  • Pray for God to bless him as a man of God.
  • Pray for God to grow him spiritually.
8.    Pray for your children.
  • Pray for them to grow strong in the Lord.
  • Pray for them to be trained up in the way they should go.
  • Pray that you would be able to train them the way God wants you to.
  • Pray for God to bless them.
9.    Seek to know your God-given role as a wife and mother.
  • Find books, sermons on CD or DVD, articles, and blogs while you study and meditate on God’s Word and the teachings that apply to the most important things in your life:  being a wife and mother!
10.    Keep a song of praise in your heart at all times.
11.    Keep a prayer in your mind at all times.
  • “Lord, be with me at work at this moment and let me be a testimony.”
  • “Lord, give me the energy to joyfully do my job for just five more minutes.”
  • “Lord, thank you for the home you have provided me.”
  • “Lord, thank you for this hot running water.”
  • “Lord, thank you for a husband and children. Help me to be the wife and mother You want me to be.”
  • “Lord, bless my child and help her to grow to be a strong Christian.”
  • “Lord, bless my husband wherever he is at this moment.”
  • “Lord, I am so angry right now, I’m just going to tell you about it.”
  • “Lord, I am so hurt right now, I’m just going to tell you about it.”
12.    Study and know your husband.
13.    Be a servant to your husband.
  • Let me get that! (water, keys, coat, shoes, seconds at dinner, ketchup, dessert, the remote, a snack, a tool, etc.)
  • Keep his clothes clean and put away so that they are easy to find.
  • Keep his “area” neat (favorite chair, desk, his side of the bed, his toiletries)
14.    Follow his leadership at the slightest opportunity (where to eat out, how to handle a home situation, whether or not to go somewhere, whether or not to buy something, what to watch on TV, how to fix something, etc.)
15.    Readily accept his advice for any situation and acknowledge that it is good advice, and thank him for it.
16.    Don’t be contentious or resistant to him in your spirit.
17.    Don’t embarrass your husband (your speech, appearance, behavior, neglect of your family or home)
18.    Prepare for his arrival each day (make sure his first perception of the house is that it is clean—even if it’s only the entry way and the area where he sits to relax, have a smile on your face, freshen your hair, clothes, or make-up, have the children clean and occupied, and have a smile on your face.)
19.     Never belittle him or make cutting remarks of any kind, even in jest.
20.    Speak a sincere word of praise or appreciation whenever possible:
  • “I don’t understand how you can fix that. I’m completely clueless.”
  • “Thank you for fixing that. I’m so fortunate to have a husband who can do that.”
  • “Absolutely you made the right decision.”
  • “You are absolutely right.”
  • “You couldn’t have handled that (work situation, etc.) better.
  • “That was very smart.”
  • “That was totally the right thing to do.”
21.    Meet his gaze showing your love and acceptance of him—do not avert your eyes to show your hurt or disapproval and to punish him.
22.    Respond readily to his physical affection.
  • Do not be stiff when receiving a hug or a kiss.
  • Do not resist physical advances:  Pray instead. God will provide the grace.
23.    Offer a warm hug, a warm smile, and an unexpected kiss of approval and appreciation.
24.    Do not be financially independent. Let him control the finances.
  • Even if you have always controlled and balanced the checkbook, start checking with him on budget amounts and spending decisions.  Immediately concede to his input of any kind.
  • Look for every opportunity to praise his wise financial decisions.
  • Do not spend money foolishly—make sure he never has to worry about how his wife will spend money.
  • Check with him on any purchase that is not a necessity.
  • Do not argue or resist his financial decisions, even if you know they are bad ones.  Pray instead.  (Your silence and support is actually more powerful of an influence—try it and you will see!)
  • Remember that whatever decision your husband makes, it is God’s will for you.  Your resistance and interference will actually cause more problems.
25.    Do not take matters into your own hands. Defer to your husband’s decisions whenever possible.
26.    Do not be your husband’s conscience.
27.    Do not nag. Ever. It is never a life or death matter.
28.    Show loyalty to him at all times.
  • Never seek counsel outside of him without his approval.
29.    Encourage and wholeheartedly support any idea or goal he shares with you.
30.    Listen with your eyes, your ears, and be aware of your body language.  It doesn’t matter how busy you are. Stop and listen and show him he is important to you and that you support him.
31.    Share his excitement over anything.
32.    Laugh at his jokes
33.    Look at him with admiration when he is around his peers to inspire their respect. (It is your job from the Lord to reverence him and to make him look good at all times.)
34.    Always  seek to make him look successful.
35.    Spend the time and effort needed on your appearance because it shows you reverence your husband.
36.    Dress to please your husband.
37.    Dress modestly so he does not worry that you may be trying to attract other men.
38.    Remember what your husband likes:
  • Cook his favorite meals.
  • Keep his favorite snacks handy.
  • Keep his favorite beverages handy.
  • Wear clothing you know he likes on you.
  • Wear your hair the way you know he likes.
  • Wear a perfume you know he likes.
  • Keep the children quiet, entertained, happy, engaged–whatever he likes!
39.    Care for your clothes and his clothes.  Eliminate unused clothes.
40.    Create order in his environment (one step at a time is fine)
  • Organize the bathroom cabinets
  • Organize his socks and underwear and keep it that way.
  • Make a permanent and tidy place for his pocket stuff (wallet, keys, change, receipts, screws, batteries, business cards).
  • Keep track of his “stuff” however you can
41.    Keep the home free of clutter
42.    Train your children to be neat, clean and organized
43.    Keep a meek and quiet spirit
44.    Do not speak in anger
45.    Stop a backbiting tongue by silence (Proverbs 26:20)
46.    Ask your husband your spiritual questions.
47.    Expect nothing from him (put all your expectation for fulfillment on the Lord, especially in moments where you feel empty or alone)
48.    Do not have the “marriage is teamwork and you’re not pulling your share” attitude. YOU commit 100% to your husband, regardless of how you think he is performing (you will only answer to God in the end for the kind of wife you were to your husband).
49.    Learn to prioritize (quick prayers often clear up moments or days of confusion).
50.    Organize one drawer, shelf, or area a day until your home has a place for everything and everything in its place—then keep it there.
51.    Train the children so that they make him proud.
52.    Train the children to love him and respect him.
53.    Never say a bad word about your husband to your children.  Don’t even suggest in any way to them that he is not the “dad” he should be.
54.    Do not try to solve any of his problems without his consent.
55.    Overlook his faults.
56.    Overlook his little mistakes.
57.    Overlook his big mistakes.
58.    Forgive any offense that hurts you as quickly as you can (urgent prayer will take care of this—pray until you feel your anger subside and your pleasure in your husband return.  At first this may take a few days.  After a while, you will cut it to a few hours.  With continued practice, you will be able to forgive, with prayer and God’s help, within a few minutes to a few seconds)
59.    Remember DAILY back to the beginning of your relationship and all the things that attracted you to him.  Recall the smiles you had for him them and smile them all again.
60.    Stop for one minute and thank the Lord for your husband.
61.    Pray for God to bless your husband as the leader of your home and as the provider for your family.
62.    Smile.
63.    Laugh.
64.    Have joy.
65.    Be lighthearted and create a lighthearted mood in your home.
66.    Make him proud of his home, his wife, and his children.
67.    Make sure that he would be proud to invite his boss to dinner.
68.    Ask him for advice whenever you can, and always take it seriously—and tell him what good advice it is.
69.    When he tells you about his work, tell him how good he is at his job, in his position, and praise his strengths at work (his leadership, his diligence, his honesty, his integrity).
70.    Try to make all your words positive.
71.    Never talk bad about his friends or coworkers.  Do not affirm when he talks bad about someone. You can nod sympathetically, but do not  verbally agree.
72.    Do not be negative.
73.    Keep your speech clean and pretty—becoming to a lovely wife with a sweet spirit.
74.    Do not correct him.  Especially in front of others. Let it go unless your life is on the line (it really doesn’t happen often!)
75.    Do not criticize him about anything.  Not even about a shirt, how his hair looks, how he spends his time, what he spent his money on, or…anything.
76.    Pray for God’s strength and grace whenever—WHENEVER—you feel tired, angry, or that you just can’t do it.  Even if it means praying 2,000 times a day.  All you have to say is one word, “HELP!”  He will.
77.    Pray for God to reveal to you the opportunity to do something on this list whenever possible.


  1. I really like this! Did you write this or get this from a book?

  2. It was going around on some blogs I read about a year or so ago. I had it saved on the computer, but I don't know where the original came from.

  3. I really do like your blog... you have collected a lot of information and ideas! I really like the Christian part... so many people think of this lifestyle as a fetish... I believe that ttwd may not be exactly biblical but it's way closer to it than the lifestyle that most live today with all the divorce and cheating!

    Keep up the great work! ;o)

  4. Thank you.

    It all goes together for me. I never would have considered any sort of submission if it wasn't for my faith, so you could say biblical submission led me here. It seems to work for me, but I guess I'll know for sure in a few weeks or months, once I've lived it some.

    Really though, it seems like DD gives regular submission "teeth". If I decided not to do the things I'm supposed to, or to ignore him or be disrespectful, now there's an actual consequence. It also seems like it might encourage him to tell me more what he does and does not like so I can please him more.

  5. Lots of good reminders! I especially like part of #24:

    Remember that whatever decision your husband makes, it is God’s will for you. Your resistance and interference will actually cause more problems.

    That was one of the hardest for me to wrap my mind around when I first started submitting and it was the one that ended up making me one of those radical submitters. It was kind of like magic - when I submitted like I should, everything worked out right. Even the smallest suggestions from my husband had longer range implications toward the Right than I or he would have imagined. Sometimes his off handed comments are actually led from God in ways that he doesn't even realize. Suggesting to call a certain friend and I find out there was an actual need there. It is amazing to me how God can work through our husbands to us and sometimes we won't even know it until much later. Makes me heed what my husband says much more closely.

    Thanks for sharing your journey. Praying for the Lord's guidance to be clear in your life.

  6. Where are the rules for husbands????
    I think they need many rules too.

  7. Jane, I mainly focus on advice for wives because that is my experience. The Bible has many rules and expectations for men as well and some couples have additional expectations in their relationship.

    The biggest one in our home and worldview is that a husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church, which means being willing to sacrifice himself and his desires in order to do what is best for his wife and family.

  8. Excellent blog. I loved it. Each of the serious points each. My husband deserves to be done as you have stated in this letter.
      And when the rules I think my husband does not need rules, only the Scripture says to take care of his wife, and I do meet a faithful and obedient wife all their rules. this is my opinion.